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You're not alone...

Âncora 1

What is Mourning?

One of the ways of helping people with mental disorders or significant difficulties is to give them the feeling that they are not alone. Facing adversity or loss is challenging enough, and doing it alone makes the situation even more awkward. This is why I stress the importance of connecting with those who have experienced or are going through the same suffering as you.

It is reassuring to know that we were not the "chosen ones" to suffer with grief, that we were not the unluckiest in this life, as I can safely say, because other people have overcome grief and are available to share tips and experiences to help overcome the pain.

Finding a support group or an environment where you can remember that you are not alone can be of great value. Another alternative is to search in your city, in a religious community, or on social networks for people who have faced or are facing similar conflicts and, in this way, overcome grief in a healthier way.

If you are struggling and experiencing intense grief, do not hesitate to seek psychological support. Psychotherapy can help you accept the current situation and fight to change it.

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We call grief a specific emotional state that begins with the threat or break of a love bond and is characterized as a period of coping with the pain of loss.
We often associate grief with the death of someone we love, because death is the most definitive break in a bond of love that we can experience. However, the grieving process also occurs for other reasons such as a separation, the loss of a pet, a diagnosis of illness, when physical stability is threatened, or in cases where the body has actually been affected by some kind of intervention such as the loss of a limb, scarring, etc.
In addition, grief can also occur when a person loses their job or experiences financial failure, having their life changed and future plans threatened.
The grieving process is composed of several feelings that mix and intertwine in an unorganized way, which can cause emotional, cognitive, and organic instability in those who go through the process.
Feelings such as sadness, discouragement, guilt, anger, fear, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, waking up, or concentrating, lack of interest in daily things, sudden crying, lack of appetite or overeating, insecurity, recurrent thoughts about the situation that has happened, are characteristic of grief - and can become a more serious problem when they become intolerable, causing much suffering and an excess of uneasiness in the bereaved person.
It is important to point out that grief is an individual and unique process, that is, only those who go through a situation of loss can evaluate what it means and how much it hurts.
Each subject reacts to grief in his or her own way. There is no recipe that teaches the way to deal with the feelings that it causes and that is equally useful to everyone. Some people can face the sadness of the loss alone, counting on the help of family, friends, and faith; others, however, also need specialized help such as a psychologist, and this is not wrong, nor ugly, and much less a sign of weakness.
Seeking psychological help to face emotional pain can be an indication of strength, of the will to not succumb to pain and to not resign oneself to suffering that can paralyze and destabilize life.
Finding an appropriate space to talk about one's feelings is an investment that can bring relief from pain and encouragement to move on, to start over, or to change course in the face of what is causing suffering.



Ana Maria Dall'Agnese
Psychologist - CRP 07/12528
Specialist in Psychoanalytic Clinical Care
Psychological assistance to children, adolescents, and adults.

Support Groups

The Grief Support Group has the following objectives:
- To support the living experience of loss and bereavement.
- Encourage the sharing of experiences and support among people in the mourning process.
- Promote learning about the experience of pain/mourning experienced by the group: we will have sessions dedicated to psychoeducation and enhancement/development of group resources and will address some topics of interest related to the experience of mourning and loss.

The grieving process.

The stages of grief are essential components of the process of accepting loss. It is somewhat peculiar that we, as human beings, are aware of the finitude of our existence, but are not usually ready for it. 

Losses usually hit people hard, causing tears, regrets, despair, and depression. These are normal, expected, and necessary reactions to ease the sadness caused by the death of a loved one. But would they be less severe if there was an understanding and acceptance of the imminence of death? 

The truth is that few people are prepared to deal with loss. 

The grieving process is still a taboo. Most people prefer to worry about it at the exact moment of the event. Because of the many superstitions that circulate in Brazil, some people even fear "calling death" simply by touching this subject!

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The Mourning Support Group aims to:
– Support the experience of loss and grief.
We call grief a specific emotional state, which is initiated by the threat or breakup of a love bond and is characterized as a period of coping with the pain of loss.
The stages of grief are essential components of the loss acceptance process.
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One of the things that helps people with any mental disorder or significant difficulty is that they know they are not alone. 
The first person to talk about the five stages of grief was the Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1926 - 2004). 
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Caring for someone in grief.

- Send loving messages every day in the morning;
- Adopt the practice of "1 hug a day";
- Leave a surprise chocolate at the entrance of the person's building;
- Offer to help take care of the children, animals, or plants;
- Offer to help fix up the house and make it nicer;
- If the problem is a hospitalized loved one, offer company for visits or even to sleep in the hospital;
- Invite that person for a nice lunch;
- Being a patient and empathetic listener;
- It is important to make the person themselves feel loved and understood even if the focus of all the family and friends is on someone who is sick;
If it is a co-worker, offer support in day-to-day tasks and even to cover meetings and the like that the person cannot or must attend;
- If the person is a boss, be understanding and allow a flexible schedule;
- Invite this person to do something playful/artistic together: paint some canvases, write a story, cook something tasty...
- Gift this person with something you made yourself, thinking and putting positive energy into it;
- If you live far away, catch the first bus/car/plane to hug this person and offer a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough;
- Offer logistical help to solve something or some bureaucracy that the person can't because of work, distance, or inability to deal with;
- If you are a doctor, psychologist or holistic therapist, offer technical help for the well being of the person;
-Include the person and the context of the difficult moment in your prayers and other such things;
- Show empathy without comparing pains. Be aware that even if you have been through a similar situation, each person reacts to life's problems differently. Avoid the cliché "I know how you feel;
- Leave a little note in which you say how much you admire the fact that the person is being strong and surviving the turbulent time;
- Invite the person to pet animals - if they like it - and/or go for a walk in nature;
- Refer the person to meditation techniques and/or applications, and other practices that promote wellbeing;
- Promote a moment of "decompression" with the person: either for a weekend or a day. It is worth inviting them to take a short trip or a cultural tour where the problem will be in the background;
- Never judge the person's tears or suffering, even if you think they would react differently;
- Caring for family members when the loved one is powerless to support others besides themselves;
- Making tea or hot chocolate to calm a troubled heart;
- Invite co-workers to write a loving card for the grieving person's return to work;
- In the event of a death, going to the wake is important even if it is just to hug and cry together. If it is not possible to be with the person in person, sending flowers and a note can make a difference at this difficult time;
- Replace the phrase "if there is anything I can do to help, let me know" with "I'm here, what can I do?
- Help the person to remember the good things in life even in times of discouragement - but don't force the issue in times of crisis;
- If the loss is of someone you are also close to, make an album with photos and memories and tell them it is ready; when the person wants to see it, you give it to them;
- Give the person a massage, tarot, yoga, manicure, or anything else that will de-stress them a bit;
- Giving space if you know the person very well and can identify when they need to be alone without talking to anyone for a few hours or maybe days;
- When in doubt about how to act - or if you are not very close to the person - offering a hug is better than doing nothing.


 

Grief is an emotional reaction to a significant loss, that is, it is a set of emotional, physical, behavioral, and social reactions that appear as a response to a loss, whether real or imagined (loss of an ideal, of an expectation), with multiple etiology (several events can trigger a grieving process):

 

- The death of someone significant;

- The end of a significant relationship;

- Someone close to you experiencing a chronic or terminal illness;

- The loss of important life factors (e.g. economic security, employment);

- The death of a pet;

- A negative change with regard to physical and mental health or functioning

 

The five stages of mourning.

The first person to talk about the five stages of mourning was the Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1926 - 2004). 

She dedicated her career to studying the emotional reactions of terminal patients, mainly cancer and AIDS patients, offering them a listening ear in moments of loneliness and fear. Her goal was to humanize the treatment of these patients in hospitals and clinics, and to educate a new generation of physicians about death and grieving family members. 

In her book "On Death and Dying", Elisabeth wrote about the five stages of grief. She interviewed patients and family members, seeking to understand their relationship to impending death and acceptance of loss.

The five stages of grief are not experienced linearly, as is commonly believed. Each bereaved individual goes through this experience in a unique way, according to his or her emotional competencies and life history. There are no rules for how to experience grief. 

Moreover, according to Elisabeth's research, the person who is terminally ill also goes through the grieving process until they accept their condition. Therefore, the five stages below also match this scenario.  

 

 
  • O que fazer se o óbito ocorrer em casa?
    O médico do falecido deve normalmente ser contactado, mas fora do horário de expediente a chamada pode ser redirecionada para um médico de serviço. O médico aconselhará se o falecido pode ser removido para as instalações dos diretores funerários.
  • Uma morte hospitalar esperada?
    Quando um falecimento ocorre no hospital, o pessoal providencia a transferência do falecido para a morgue do hospital. O hospital providencia o preenchimento da papelada médica ou encaminha para o médico legista, se necessário. O gabinete de falecimento no hospital é normalmente o ponto de contacto para os familiares (aberto em horário de expediente).
  • Quais os documentos necessários para um funeral?
    Para que possamos iniciar o processo de organização do funeral são necessários os seguintes documentos referentes à pessoa falecida. Bilhete de Identidade / Cartão de Cidadão. Cartão de Contribuinte (Identificação Fiscal). Cartão de Beneficiário. Cartão de Eleitor. Outra documentação que seja relevante para se proceder ao funeral.
  • Qual a informação complementar que devemos ter em conta num óbito?
    A existência de bens da pessoa falecida e identificação dos seus herdeiros. Identificação do Cônjuge. Data e local do casamento. A existência de descendentes/herdeiros menores. Existência de testamento. Alvarás de Sepulturas ou Jazigos.
  • Os Funerais no contexto da pandemia da Covid-19, mudará?"
    No contexto da pandemia da Covid-19, adaptou-se à realidade e cumpriu todos os procedimentos impostos pela DGS, com funerais diferentes do habitual, mas necessários para minimizar a potencial transmissão da doença. Neste momento, como uma mão amiga, nunca esquecemos a dignidade da cerimónia e o profundo pesar das famílias que querem se despedir e homenagear quem parte. Fique a conhecer os moldes fornecidos pela DGS. Mantêm-se o procedimento do reconhecimento visual do corpo por um familiar próximo, sempre que o houver. Para a cerimónia fúnebre/funeral, a urna deve preferencialmente manter-se fechada, mas caso seja esse o desejo da família, e houver condições, pode permitir-se a visualização do corpo, desde que rápida, a pelo menos 1 metro de distância. A visualização do corpo pode também ser conseguida através de urnas com visor. Em qualquer uma das situações, não é permitido tocar no corpo ou na urna. Todos os presentes na cerimónia fúnebre devem usar máscaras faciais, desinfetarem as mãos, bem como manter o distanciamento físico de dois metros. A sepultura em jazigo pode ser efetuada desde que cumpridas as regras, incluindo o uso de urna adequada, selada. Se a causa de morte for COVID não haverá lugar a velório e o serviço fúnebre será direto ao local de cremação ou sepultura. Para além disso, informamos que efetuamos o cortejo fúnebre. Se a causa de morte não for COVID, o velório deve decorrer no período normal, e não se deve prolongar pela noite. Disponibilizamos o obituário , caso a família o permita, com informação simples e útil sobre as datas das ações a decorrer. Cumprimos medidas de higiene rigorosas e de desinfeção após cada serviço fúnebre.
  • Onde posso ver e escolher a urna?
    A escolha da urna pode muitas vezes ser a parte mais difícil dos arranjos fúnebres porque é uma parte muito visual do processo. Tornaremos isto o mais fácil possível para si na nossa loja, tendo em conta o que acredita reflectir a personalidade ou desejos da pessoa cujo funeral está a organizar e se existem fortes requisitos éticos ou ecológicos a ter em conta. Pode ser tão simples como "é aquela urna que eu mais gosto" ou se tem um orçamento específico em mente.
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Additional Aids.

Grief and death, although taboo subjects in society, are inevitable. At an earlier or later stage of life, everyone is confronted with their presence. In this sense, and with the growing recognition of the importance of a normal mourning process and the presence of cases of pathological mourning, support groups aimed at helping the bereaved to deal with the issues of loss are also increasingly common. Support groups for the bereaved are effective because they offer the emotional support that the bereaved individual seeks and are mainly based on the sharing of experiences, hence their importance (they allow the bereaved individual to talk and, as mentioned, the act of talking is for grieving). In this sense, it can be useful to suggest that the bereaved individual seek one of these groups. Although in some cases some subjects find it difficult to accept the suggestion and this should be respected, for others there is a receptive attitude and the experience ends up being very beneficial. Generally, living with a relative or friend who is in a bereavement process is complex. Not knowing what to say or how to act are common reactions and frequent fears. Although there are no infallible rules and standard cases, as each bereavement process is a bereavement process with its own characteristics, some expressions should be avoided and others can help those who are suffering.
 

 

  • O que fazer se o óbito ocorrer em casa?
    O médico do falecido deve normalmente ser contactado, mas fora do horário de expediente a chamada pode ser redirecionada para um médico de serviço. O médico aconselhará se o falecido pode ser removido para as instalações dos diretores funerários.
  • Uma morte hospitalar esperada?
    Quando um falecimento ocorre no hospital, o pessoal providencia a transferência do falecido para a morgue do hospital. O hospital providencia o preenchimento da papelada médica ou encaminha para o médico legista, se necessário. O gabinete de falecimento no hospital é normalmente o ponto de contacto para os familiares (aberto em horário de expediente).
  • Quais os documentos necessários para um funeral?
    Para que possamos iniciar o processo de organização do funeral são necessários os seguintes documentos referentes à pessoa falecida. Bilhete de Identidade / Cartão de Cidadão. Cartão de Contribuinte (Identificação Fiscal). Cartão de Beneficiário. Cartão de Eleitor. Outra documentação que seja relevante para se proceder ao funeral.
  • Qual a informação complementar que devemos ter em conta num óbito?
    A existência de bens da pessoa falecida e identificação dos seus herdeiros. Identificação do Cônjuge. Data e local do casamento. A existência de descendentes/herdeiros menores. Existência de testamento. Alvarás de Sepulturas ou Jazigos.
  • Os Funerais no contexto da pandemia da Covid-19, mudará?"
    No contexto da pandemia da Covid-19, adaptou-se à realidade e cumpriu todos os procedimentos impostos pela DGS, com funerais diferentes do habitual, mas necessários para minimizar a potencial transmissão da doença. Neste momento, como uma mão amiga, nunca esquecemos a dignidade da cerimónia e o profundo pesar das famílias que querem se despedir e homenagear quem parte. Fique a conhecer os moldes fornecidos pela DGS. Mantêm-se o procedimento do reconhecimento visual do corpo por um familiar próximo, sempre que o houver. Para a cerimónia fúnebre/funeral, a urna deve preferencialmente manter-se fechada, mas caso seja esse o desejo da família, e houver condições, pode permitir-se a visualização do corpo, desde que rápida, a pelo menos 1 metro de distância. A visualização do corpo pode também ser conseguida através de urnas com visor. Em qualquer uma das situações, não é permitido tocar no corpo ou na urna. Todos os presentes na cerimónia fúnebre devem usar máscaras faciais, desinfetarem as mãos, bem como manter o distanciamento físico de dois metros. A sepultura em jazigo pode ser efetuada desde que cumpridas as regras, incluindo o uso de urna adequada, selada. Se a causa de morte for COVID não haverá lugar a velório e o serviço fúnebre será direto ao local de cremação ou sepultura. Para além disso, informamos que efetuamos o cortejo fúnebre. Se a causa de morte não for COVID, o velório deve decorrer no período normal, e não se deve prolongar pela noite. Disponibilizamos o obituário , caso a família o permita, com informação simples e útil sobre as datas das ações a decorrer. Cumprimos medidas de higiene rigorosas e de desinfeção após cada serviço fúnebre.
  • Onde posso ver e escolher a urna?
    A escolha da urna pode muitas vezes ser a parte mais difícil dos arranjos fúnebres porque é uma parte muito visual do processo. Tornaremos isto o mais fácil possível para si na nossa loja, tendo em conta o que acredita reflectir a personalidade ou desejos da pessoa cujo funeral está a organizar e se existem fortes requisitos éticos ou ecológicos a ter em conta. Pode ser tão simples como "é aquela urna que eu mais gosto" ou se tem um orçamento específico em mente.
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